SATURDAY'S HUM (4-08-06 )

PUFF PIECE
Saw a guy and his 2 kids in an SUV in Winooski the other day. Sounds normal, eh? Butt hangin' out of the Dad's mouth. Still not uncommon, right? Well, it got me to thinking. Does the guy just not get it, considering all the anti-smoking jazz going on. Does he just not care? Is smoking so much a part of his culture that he is just oblivious to the whole thing? Is he just incredibly stupid?
Well, lo and behold - big news coming out of Arkansas, yeah, Arkansas, which is Cigarette Central. Governor Huckabee put his John Hancock on a bill banning smoking in most indoor public places. There are many exemptions, but it's a good start, a damn good start for a big tobacco state like Arkansas.
The really big news in this story is the bill that's not signed yet. It's legislation that would ban smoking in vehicles with little kids inside. How about that, folks! Gosh, what a novel idea. The sponsor of the bill, Rep.Bob Mathis, got sick and tired of seeing dummies smoking in cars with kids in the back. The bill is on the Governor's desk and you can bet the tobacco farm he'll sign it.

YANK TANK
New York Yankees off to a slow start with a 1-3 record. We know the problem. They just don't pay their players enough. But seriously, germs, the Bronx Bombers have some pitching probs that need to be addressed. RJ and Mussy look strong right off the bat, so to speak, but the rest of the gang could go either way.
The bats will be there; has there been a more feared lineup in the past twenty years? By the way, Johnny D has 7 hits in eighteen at bats, with 4 doubles and 3 runs scored. Not too shabby.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners intersection is the place to complete your personal hygiene tasks. Yesterday, the light took so long to change I was able to floss, clip my ear hair and take a spongebath, all the while watching SpongeBob on the portable DVD player. I was actually upset when the light turned green 'cuz I didn't get a chance to cut my toenails, but hey, I'll get to that next time.