Monday

MONDAY'S HUM ( 11-06-06 )

PSYCHIC PREDICTS RAINVILLE VICTORY
In a groundbreaking measure, Vermont Hum has enlisted the aid of award-winning psychic Nabula to give thousands of Hum readers the early results of the Vermont elections. Citing polling bias and unreliability, Vermont Hum decided to bring in the enchanting Nabula, to sort the wheat from the chaff. Here are her predictions.
GOVERNOR - Jim Douglas easily winning.
LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR - Brian Dubie in a close one.
U.S. SENATOR - Bernard Sanders on top, but Rich Tarrant with respectable showing.
U.S HOUSE - Martha Rainville narrowly upsetting Peter Welch.
AUDITOR - Randy Brock in a landslide.
ATTORNEY GENERAL - Bill Sorrell repelling pesky Dennis Carver. Nabula did mention that Carver will win next time if he runs.
STATE'S ATTORNEY - Advertising pushes Donovan to victory with St. Francis close behind.
SECRETARY OF STATE - Deb Markowitz.
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LOOK FOR THE HUM'S EXTENSIVE POST-ELECTION COVERAGE LATER THIS WEEK
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VERMONT HUM REVEALS ITSELF
Citing a lack of transparency, Vermont Hum management has fired senior reporter Henny Hogwash and named veteran newspaperperson Brian McClintock managing editor, chief correspondent and assistant fry clerk. McClintock, who has seen all sides of the publishing biz, will don the cloak of accountability and will guide the wildly popular newsblog through the blighted and blurry blogosphere.
When asked what his first move will be as the top Humdog, McClintock responded, "Well, I guess I'll get that bathroom door fixed."
Well said, McClintock, and good luck with the new assignment.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE - Election special
Had a nice nap at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light on Sunday morn. I got to the intersection and decided to kill some time by reading the Sunday Free Press. Things were fine until I started reading Ed Shamy's column. Suddenly I became very drowsy and fell into a deep sleep. Lucky for me it was a long light and I awakened just as I saw green. I felt refreshed and continued on to Fort Ethan Allen, where I swear I saw a giant kite flying in the breeze, emblazoned with the words Tarrant for Senate. Maybe I was just imagining it. Dunno.
Editor's note: This Five Corners Update originally ran in June and is one of our most requested entries.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ed Shamy may not know what he's talking about, but some of his columns are humorous.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do not have to be a psychic to know that Douglas, Dubie, Sanders and Brock are going to win!!

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

congrats hum for no longer being so mysterious

9:15 AM  
Anonymous dennis wheeler said...

Re: Vermont Hum Reveals Itself
Thank you for taking steps to let your readers know who is behind one of the funniest, if not the funniest, blogs in Vermont.
Keep the Five Corners Updates coming, maybe you can eventually put them in a book, like Hackie did with his columns.

12:55 PM  
Blogger charity said...

Psychics are phonies!

8:45 AM  

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