THE 16TH OF APRIL, 2010

AVERAGE HARLEY 10 TIMES LOUDER THAN F-35

When detractors claimed that the new F-35s were twice as loud as the F-16s, we almost pooped our sweatpants. Try coming over to Essex Junction on a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon, in early spring, when the Forsythias are yellow yellow. We can't even hear the jets overhead - the Harleys are drowning them out!  At least the jets make a ton of noise for a reason, something having to do with umm... protecting us!

We've been following the back and forth between noise activists and the Vermont Air Guard and anxiously awaited the results of the big Thursday pow-wow between civic leaders and the military.
 Lots of coverage by the local media; we found the BFP and Joel Banner Baird to have the goods. Don't forget to read the comments at the end of the Free Press article. 

 BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS
Dandelions spotted; old men with nothing to do now have something to do!

STATE PORN BLOCKING INITIATIVE MIGHT RECEIVE LIMP RESPONSE

With all the various pornography, sports, social media and gambling sites on the internet, it's amazing that anyone who works in an office gets anything done. The State of Vermont is grappling with such a dilemma; what to do about workers who are spending too much time viewing inappropriate material.
Strapping filters on state rigs is expected to run from 100k to 150k, which could prove prohibitive in the present fiscal environment.
We've got a few suggestions:

1. Reverse pyschology - Tell employees that porn viewing is okay, even encouraged (employee well-being), IF all expected work for the day is completed in a timely and competent manner.
2. Make a dramatic announcement that state-of-the-art computer filters have been installed, when actually zero action has taken place. If people wonder where the money came from for the software, tell them Bill Gates chipped in. It would be bluff central.
3. Have a bank of computers in the break room; five would have 24/7 porn, three would offer ESPN.com, seven would generously allow gambling access, and yet another would feature BetterHomesandGardens.com. Transparency.
4. Create a 15 minute period every 4 hours, where all workers are implored to relax and take "porn breaks", thereby evening the playing field and blowing off steam, as it were.

HOW COME MY SAT PROVIDER DOESN'T OFFER A TIGER WOODS CHANNEL ?

Williston Observer with a funny cartoon in April 15 edition.
TV news reporter out on city street with asteroids falling all around, with the caption, "But First, the Latest On Tiger."
We tried to find the cartoon on The Observer website, but failed. So you'll have to drive to Williston and pick up a copy. What the heck. While you're at it, stop and hit some balls. In the rain.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
We waited for so long at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday that a local cop came along and arrested us for loitering! When I tried to explain that I was waiting for the light to change, the cop just laughed and said," That's life in the Junction, Baby!"