MONDAY'S HUM (10-29-07)

HUM SOLVES VERMONT PHARMACIST DEARTH
It was all over the news last week; even the Free Press finally caught up with the story.
Pharmacists are in short supply and some pharmacies in Vermont are cutting hours on account of the shortage.
We've got the answer.
There are many inmates sitting in Vermont jails, most with too much time on their hands and many with an extensive pharmacological education, formal or informal. HAHAHAHAHA.
Let's train these inmates to be pharmacists. A crash course, say 18 months and then presto, they start doing in the pharmacy what they've done on the street - helping people.
They can commute back and forth from prison, earn a fair wage, and we're sure with proper monitoring, there will be little or no pharmaceutical abuse among the new pharmies.
The drugstores can also save a ton of cash by hiring the prisoners at a fair yet reduced wage; with the savings they can hire chaperones - one for each inmate.

WEDNESDAY HUM (10-17-07)

Vermont Hum staff on assignment in Montpelier. Be back next week.
In the meantime...

Autumn
Autumn, you are the season about loss.
There is sadness as the leaves drop from your trees.
And I crunch them under my feet.
The sound reminding me of the breaking of hearts when relationships end.
Bareness of trees reminding me I'm getting older as another year comes to an end.
And winter approaches with her loneliness.

Poetry Potpouri
copyright 2000

Thursday's Hum (10-11-07)

Missive Man Spanks VPR, Vogelchange
William (Wild Willie) Kevan of Randolph wrote a blistering letter to the Free Press which was published on Tuesday. In the offering, Kevan suggested that VPR biggie Mark Vogelsang was operating the joint in a Clintonesque manner, and the changes put forth by the crunchy crew were shutting off many listeners from the action. Funny stuff.

Peta Hotties Flash Bratt
Two babes, sent by Peta, disrobed last weekend in downtown Brattleboro, much to the delight of passing motorists. We're surprised there wasn't at least one accident.
Meggan and Ali took their clothes off and held a banner which read, "Bare Skin, Don't Wear Skin!"
Shoot, if they had served chicken wings and frosted mugs brimming with Bud, it would have been perfect!
Unfortunately, Vermont Hum was unable to cover this story.
Here's the Bratt Reformer take.

Yankees, BHS, Red Sox, Mount Anthony
How about this. Bennington Banner Sports Dude Adam White manages to weave an interesting column featuring the "asinine Joe Torre death watch", the overrated California/Los Angeles/Anaheim Angels and the unfortunate situation regarding the Burlington/Mount Anthony football game. Great stuff.

THURSDAY HUM (10-5-07)

Moose Goes To School
The moose population is growing in Vermont; in the Kingdom they're a dime a dozen.
But when one shows up in Burlington, near Mater Christi school, whatta ya do?

Unfortunately, this moose had to be taken out. If he was tranqued, he might have gone on a furious rush for 3 to 5 minutes, in the schoolyard. Not good. If he was allowed to wander out of the area, not good. The area is too densely populated to take a chance.
You see, it's rutting season for these big boys. They're irritable, frisky and driven by a powerful hormonal force, one ten times stronger than a human urge. Wow!
A full grown bull moose can weigh in at a hefty 1000 pounds and can gallop faster than an 18 year old high school kid running track.
The moose will, at first, stare at you, then it will trot at 20mph, then it will gallop and catch you. Next, it will give you a sound thrashing, using antlers and legs.

Would have been nice to donate the moose meat to the elderly, you know, the ones who use their food money for meds and heat.

Totten Candy
Yeah, ex-Guardian Shay Totten looked like a kid in a candy store on VPR's Vermont This Week. He seemed to take the group chat to higher level; hopefully he'll be a frequent guest.
Why was he on, you ask? What are his new creds?
He said he's VPT's political internet analyst, or something like that. Okay.

Homemaker Fights to Overcome Rubbermaid Addiction
The Onion tells us.

Five Corners Plans Improvements
Essex Junction Five Corners will have a new and improved look in the next year or so. New light signals, crosswalks, etc. It will give us something pretty to look at as we sit there for 3 HOURS!!!

There is also, purportedly, a Papa John's Pizza place planned for the corners. That's great, 'cuz idlers can now sit at the light, order a pie from their cell, run over, pick it up, and eat it -- all before the light changes! Natch!

New Look For Snarkapotamus
Click on the Snark link to the left to visit his brand snarking new site of political mischief.