MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2010
RIDE, CAPTAIN, RIDE
Captain Richard Phillips, still riding the Somali pirate wave, spoke to about 75 people at the Brownell Library this month. The good captain, who is returning to high seas this month, was spotlighting his book, "A Captain's Duty."
Heck, we were thinking of some fun things that the Captain could do as long as he's still hot. How about a Christmas album, maybe joining forces with the Logger, Bernie Sanders, and/or Brian Dubie to belt out some yuletide carols, with the profits going to some sort of Somali refugee charity.
Or perhaps he could arm wrestle a Rescued Chilean Miner, a gig we would pay big bucks to see.
We heard a rumor that Rupert Murdoch was going to buy BT and turn Burlington completely around, going from hummus loving Lib bastion to stiff conservative Repub playland. Or maybe that was just a nasty Prog
dream related back to me.
We also heard that SnittyBank, who's getting all their equip back, is haggling with BT about a pallet of paper
clips, which unreliable sources tell us has already been melted down for cash, with revenues going to board members. Ha!
CHINA REPORTS GAINS AFTER BLACK FRIDAY
China reported a hefty increase in monetary funds after a sizzling American Black Friday. When asked to comment by Vermont Hum reporter Martha Effing, a Chinese official replied, "Thank goodness for that Christmas Tree Shop in Williston, Vermont. We make all their stuff and they sell a ton of it!"
CONVENIENCE STORE OWNER SELLS WINNING LOTTERY TICKET - TO HIMSELF!
We are not kidding. Google it.
FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Brought the cargo van, which is fitted with a complete gym in the back, to the Essex Junction Five Corners on Sunday. With the 2 hour wait at the light, I was able to get in some serious treadmill and weight training action, and made it back up to the front seat just as the darn thing turned green.
I've renamed the Five Corners; it is now known as the the Essex Junction Five Corners and Fitness Stop. Yeah!