MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2010

RIDE, CAPTAIN, RIDE
Captain Richard Phillips, still riding the Somali pirate wave, spoke to about 75 people at the Brownell Library this month. The good captain, who is returning to high seas this month, was spotlighting his book, "A Captain's Duty."
Heck, we were thinking of some fun things that the Captain could do as long as he's still hot. How about a Christmas album, maybe joining forces with the Logger, Bernie Sanders, and/or Brian Dubie to belt out some yuletide carols, with the profits going to some sort of Somali refugee charity.
Or perhaps he could arm wrestle a Rescued Chilean Miner, a gig we would pay big bucks to see.

BURLINGTON SMELL-ECOM
We heard a rumor that Rupert Murdoch was going to buy BT and turn Burlington completely around, going from  hummus loving Lib bastion to stiff conservative Repub playland. Or maybe that was just a nasty Prog
 dream related back to me.
We also heard that SnittyBank, who's getting all their equip back, is haggling with BT about a pallet of paper
clips, which unreliable sources tell us has already been melted down for cash, with revenues going to board members. Ha!

CHINA REPORTS GAINS AFTER BLACK FRIDAY
China reported a hefty increase in monetary funds after a sizzling American Black Friday. When asked to comment by Vermont Hum reporter Martha Effing, a Chinese official replied, "Thank goodness for that Christmas Tree Shop in Williston, Vermont. We make all their stuff and they sell a ton of it!"

CONVENIENCE STORE OWNER SELLS WINNING LOTTERY TICKET - TO HIMSELF!
We are not kidding. Google it.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Brought the cargo van, which is fitted with a complete gym in the back, to the Essex Junction Five Corners on Sunday. With the 2 hour wait at the light, I was able to get in some serious treadmill and weight training action, and made it back up to the front seat just as the darn thing turned green.
I've renamed the Five Corners; it is now known as the the Essex Junction Five Corners and Fitness Stop. Yeah!

11-22-10

FREE PATDOWN
Decided to skip my massage today. Instead, went to the airport, slipped into line and received a complimentary rubdown courtesy of the TSA. At the conclusion, the TSA agent/masseuse and I had a truffle and went on with our lives. Ahhh!

WAS THAT BILL SORRELL HOLDING A CAN OF MOUNTAIN DEW?
We doubt it. The AG is pretty vocal suggesting a tax on sugary drinks. Good for him. It's about time all these wingbats guzzling 4 or 5 sodas a day should pay the piper. We're already footing some of the bill every time they visit Boettcher Allen for their diabetes or cardio treatment, not to mention all the other problems brought on by this Tritium in a can. Johnny on the street thinks we should take the whole thing one step further and have the CEOs of Coke and Pepsi arrested and thrown in jail for peddling toxic substances.

ST LOUIS, ST ALBANS MOST DANGEROUS CITIES
The study by CQ Press missed a city when they released their report of the most dangerous cities. Where was Snalbans on the list. Jeez, there's a drug bust up there every few minutes, it seems.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Got to the Essex Junction Five Corners just as the light turned red! Nuts!
Oh well, it gave me a chance to do a self guided colonoscopy. Yeah, they have the car kits now so one does not have to go to the hospital. After an hour of threading the thing up my butt, I was satified and was yanking it back down when - SUDDENLY! - the light changed. I pulled it out and slammed down the accelerator, eager to get the heck out of there. The light changes only so often and you have to hurry when it does.

11/15/2010

WHO WAS CHARLES EASTMAN?


Recently, deep in the bowels of the Brownell Library in Essex Junction, a discovery was made. Uncovered was an 1848 book of poetry written by noted newspaperman Charles Eastman, who, with others, was affiliated with the Vermont (Barre) Patriot. Said paper was well-received in its day; here is an advertisement from the September 15, 1850 edition for the Boston Museum.



Eastman's book of poetry, published in Montpelier, is full of gems, including this wonderful offering.





NOVEMBER



The days we've so long dreaded,

The days of frost and snow,

Of winds that sweep the frozen street,

And whistle as they go-

The days of fickle temperament,

A smile and then a blow!

Of mud and mire and dirtiness,

Again, are ' here below !'



We sit and sneeze and cough in rooms

Insufferably hot,

And tumble over old accounts

Were never worth a groat!

And looking from the window,

Into our neighbor's lot,

We really argue if 'twere best

To steal his sheep or not!



The vines, frost-bitten, from the eaves

Hang blackening in the rain,

And trickling drops, like silent tears,

All day the windows stain;

The leaves are gone, the dead weed-stalks

Grow black upon the plain,

And herds are lowing in the fields

Where stood the gathered grain.



All day you hear the noisy crow

Upon the hemlock high-

In flocks, about the mountain ash,

The chirping robins fly;

The rustling leaves and yellow, drive

In mimic whirlwinds by,

Or on the wet and muddy walks,

In heaps, together lie.



The dripping of the rain is heard

Upon the roof all night,

And dark and heavy clouds obscure

The early morning's light;

We gape and stretch and feel as dull

As our grandmother's sight,

' Some ' older than Methuselah,

And cross enough to bite!



That summer's gone, and gone for good,

'Tis useless to protest,

When all the hills that you can see

In snowy caps are dressed;

When fogs upon the valley

From morn till evening rest,

And in his journey scarce the sun

Is seen from east to west.



Alas! these days of dumps and of

Interminable rains,

Of overcoats and overshoes,

And 'pothecary grains-

Of drops for coughs, and slops for colds,

From catnip tea to Swayne's,

Make the effort to survive appear

A questionable pains!


FIVE CORNERS UPDATE


Brought a conversion van to the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday and was able to lay down and get a full 8 hours of sleep while waiting. The light turned green just as I got back in the driver's seat!

HUM DINGERS 11-11-10

RAFTHOLES
Let's hop on a raft on a cold,blustery November day, get thrown around by six foot waves, bash into some cliffs, endanger lives of ourselves, animals and rescue personnel, and call it a day. Or night.

DRINKING A LITTLE RADIOACTIVE WATER BUILDS CHARACTER
Another leak at VY/Entergy La, this time just a dribbling of RADIOACTIVE WATER!
Question: Would you rather be a Chilean miner or be a Vermont Yankee Spokesman?

In New York, the Knolls Atomic Power Laboratory discharged hundreds of gallons of radioactive water into the Hudson River last month. Officials said it was not a public health concern. Oh, okay - I feel better now.

CRUISE SHIP "SURVIVORS" FED POP TARTS
You know what? Tow that cruise ship with its poor, bedraggled passengers over to Haiti and give the medicine, canned crabmeat, bottled water and other foodstuffs to the people that really need it - the cholera victims.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Dilemma at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. We were stuck behind a dump truck with a big sign on the tailgate stating CONSTRUCTION VEHICLE - DO NOT FOLLOW. Yikes! What do we do? If we can't follow it, do we have to turn around? If we follow it, will we be arrested? And who made the rules about not being to follow this truck?


By the time the light changed, the sign on the truck had weathered and was unreadable so we didn't have to worry.

Friday 11-05-10

WE ARE BACK! Vermont Hum, consistently ranked as one of the top ten influential Vermont pol blogs in 2008 and 2009, has risen from the e-dead. Let us get started.

Hum from the streets of Essex Junction.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS - Where is Dubie CM Corey Bliss now? Has he gone back to Maryland or Virginia or Utah or wherever it is he came from? Whether he ruins a campaign or not, he still gets paid, right?
HOW TO RUIN A REPUTATION AND LOSE A RACE FOR GOVERNOR
Folks in Essex still shaking their collective heads over the puzzling and extraordinarily misguided strategy which morphed aw shucks good guy Brian Dubie into Mister Negative, sinking a good chance at retaining the governorship for Repubs.
It will be interesting to see campaign tactics in 2012.
GOVERNOR TARRANT IN 2012?
Someone on the street mentioned it yeasterday, but where did they hear it from?

WYOMING AND WEST VIRGINIA TOPS IN CHEW
Those two states use more chaw than any other. Wait a minute! Where's Mississippi on that list? Did they go down? How accurate are these figures? Yahoo news breaking story.

GIBBS BACK ON GOV DOUGLAS STAFF
Sec State loser Jason Gibbs back on Gentleman Jim's roster 'til January, making 1500 a week. Hold on! Aren't we supposed to be CUTTING!
From Vermont Buzz

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE

Got really bored at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning so I left my car and started talking to other idlers. We came up with a great idea!

Why not Five Corners voting?

With people stuck at the intersection for hours with little to do, why not take a cue from Williston and have voting done right from the window. Maybe Essex officials could spice it up and deliver ballots on roller skates, just like the old A&W carhops. And after we vote, we get a free root beer. Yeah!