WEEKLY HUM (6-30-07)

TOP 7 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1. - BENNINGTON HOSPITAL SELF-SERVE
Southwestern Vermont Medical Center is going to keep its birthing center open, even though there are gaps in pediatric coverage. The gaps occur on weekends and people are being encouraged to deliver during the week. The hospital said things should be fine and not to worry. They have contacted a temp agency and hope to begin training individuals real soon who show an interest in obstetrics, or have appropriate life experiences.

2. - UVM Athletic Director Corran Making Big Bucks; Signs For Yearly 175K
So what if the grunts are making peanuts, cleaning up all the beer bottles and attendant vomit on campus. Sports is where it's at! We don't hear a lot about academics coming from the hill, but hey, anyone can learn. We need great hoop and hockey teams to bring in the cabbage. Yeah!

3. - Is Winooski Getting Shi-Shi?
The Onion City is celebrating RiverWalk this weekend, with live music, fireworks, good eats, and exhibits. Man, is Win-ooky hitting the big time? We've heard rumblings that it's cool and getting cooler. Gosh, even McKee's is serving Eggs Benny. Who we gonna pick on now? Is Milton still available? How about Richford? Enosburgh Falls, perhaps?

4. - Rough Crowd Invades Essex Junction
A slew of quilters will invade the fairgrounds this weekend for the Vermont Quilt Festival. Huh, wonder how the Lincoln Inn prepares for 2,000 quilters? Not exactly a tattooed, chain-smoking bunch, these masters of the material. Bet the Linc orders extra Chardonnay and cheese, and makes sure the bathrooms are clean.

5. - Leahy Votes For Immigration Reform Bill
You know why, don't you. You see, Partisan Pat is very fond of President Bush, and just wanted to help out his dear friend. Sanders, on the other hand, voted against the bill, muttering something about the shrinking middle class. Is he up for re-election already?

6. - BREAKING NEWS! FURNITURE STORE CLOSING!
Final days are upon us. The Furniture Place on Shelburne Road, in the process of closing for the past four years, will be closing sometime in the next four years.

7. - Snark Attack
Whether he's wondering "...how far Peter Freyne is willing to shove his bulbous head up Pat Leahy's ass..." or describing how Jim Douglas will "...hike his pants up midway to his chest...", Snarky Boy will keep you laughing, or seething. Anyway, he's back in black, humor, that is, and we're the luckier for it. Nobody in the state delivers better biting pol satire and insight than the SNARKOPOTAMUS!


MEDIA REVIEW
Speaking of Freyne, Peter Pumpkinhead has stirred up the hive of C&E, on WVMT. Charlie Papillo has been hilarious the past couple of mornings, commenting on Freyne's column, which featured Papillo's talk with Peter Welch about global warming. "Chatterbox" Papillo joked that Freyne didn't dog him with a nickname, but Ernie suggested there is one, it just can't be repeated.
Check out Peter Freyne's words here.

WEEKLY HUM (6-25-07)

WE'RE STILL ON VAY-CAY!
BE BACK SOON.

June

June is promise bent on a reward,
Unsparing in his self-inflicted vow,
Not knowing that the golden time is now,
Ever the bright dream he struggles toward.

Nicholas Gordon

MONDAY'S HUM (06-11-07)

VERMONT HUM GOES WEEKLY DURING SUMMER
Look for a comprehensive Weekend Hum featuring increased comment on local news and review of Vermont media. It all starts next weekend, June 31.
See ya at the Five Corners.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (06-06-07)

TOP 9 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1. - LAURIE (INCONVENIENT TRUTH) DAVID'S MARRIAGE COOLS
Celebrity nuisance Laurie David, who spoke at UVM about global warming, is not so hot in hubby Larry (Seinfeld) David's eyes. They're splitsville. Wonder who'll get the SUV's?

2. - VENUS AND SERENUS DO STOWE
Yeah, they'll be spanking that ball starting July 14th at TopNotch. What a wonderful excuse to watch some great tennis and then maybe, just maybe, after the match... how 'bout a shedburger and a pint of their tasty ale? Natch!

3. - POLISH MAN WAKES AFTER 19 YEARS IN A COMA
What's the big deal? That happens all the time at the Essex Junction Five Corners light!

4. - N.H. MAN DUI WITH 2 YOUNG KIDS IN CAR
We've heard of kids driving people to drink, but this is ridiculous!

5. - RITE-AID TO BUY BROOKS
Who cares? When the heck are we gonna see a Walgreens?

6. - VERMONT GREEN; OTHER STATES GREEN WITH ENVY
Vermont ranked last in carbon emissions, which is good. Wyoming ranked first, thanks to coal, which is bad.

7. - ENERGY BILL LANDS ON JIMMY'S DESK
Douglas is gonna whip out his gold-plater dillinger veto pen and shoot that bill outa the sky!

8. - UVM WOMEN'S HOOP COACH TO MAKE 105,000 a year
What's Lonergan making next year? It's something like that, right? Maybe his 5 is in a different spot but hey, Sharon Dawley is still making four times as much as your kid's daycare teacher! Not bad, eh?

9. - WHERE'S SNARKY BOY?
His last post was May 17. Is the Snarkapotamus missing? Was he silenced by arch enemy Philip (Read me!) Baruth? Was he clubbed over the head with a whiskey bottle, hoisted by Freyne, whom the Snark has referred to as lame, or washed up, or something like that? Was he stabbed and left for dead by a coalition of mad Republicans and Democrats, whom he has pierced with many of his poisoned verbal arrows. To be continued...
Pub. note - Snark posted after this was published.

MONDAY'S HUM (06-04-07)

What is one to say about June, the time of perfect young summer,
the fulfillment of the promise of the earlier months, and with as yet
no sign to remind one that its fresh young beauty will ever fade.
- Gertrude Jekyll, On Gardening