FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Need a petition signed? The Essex Junction Five Corners Light is the place to go. There is a passive crowd there just waiting for something to do - or sign. With the light taking about 45 minutes to change, just think how many signatures one could get walking from car to car. In fact, maybe aspiring politicians could stand in the middle of the intersection and give speeches, and cars could honk if they didn't like what they were hearing!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Brought a conversion van to the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday and was able to lay down and get a full 8 hours of sleep while waiting. The light turned green just as I got back in the driver's seat!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
One of our readers suggested a ballpark theme at the Essex Junction Five Corners. Why not have a big screen TV at the intersection with satellite games playing around the clock. Ingenuitive businesspeople could hawk peanuts and popcorn and maybe even a beer vendor...well, maybe not that, 'cuz we'd have to drive when the light changed. Oh, well. Still sounds fun.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Can't get your baby to sleep. Put the papoose in the car and idle up to the Essex Junction Five Corners Light. The sweet, gentle hum of the engine will have the baby sleeping like a, well, baby. And the light takes so long to change, the cute little bugger will sleep for hours, giving Mom or Dad some snooze time, too.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
It was just like high school at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. A driver started a food fight and before you know it, the fries and burgers and peaches and tacos were flying through the intersection, creating a fun, messy ruckus. All the cars had their windshield wipers on and their windows rolled up. When the light turned green a couple of hours later, we all headed for the car wash. Just another crazy day at the Five Corners!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Arrived at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday around noon. A thought popped in my noggin. "I'm hungry, I'm craving a grinder, Martone's is right there, and the I'll be idling for over an hour waiting for this stupid light to turn green." So I put the car in park, got the grinder and had a fabulous lunch skimming the latest copy of the Essex Reporter. You know, I think the Five Corners is quickly becoming one of my favorite destinations.!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Couldn't wait at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. I was too busy. So I strapped on a set of rescue lights to the top of car and sailed through unimpeded. It was great!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Got to the Essex Junction Five Corners light yesterday and knew I'd be there a while. So I got out and was able to rotate the tires and have'em all back on just when the light turned green. It was perfect and I felt so productive.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Really had fun at the Essex Junction Five Corners light yesterday. Knowing it would be a while before the light turned green, a passenger and I got out the Parcheesi board and played a spirited game. It had been so long since I had played Parcheesi and it felt great. The light changed just as the game ended. Perfect timing!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Was able to do something at the Essex Junction Five Corners light that I have been wanting to do for years. Have you ever seen those ship in a bottle kits they sell at places like Ben Franklin? Well, I had one in the car and figured the Five Corners light was long enough for me to finally finish the project. I did, the ship in the bottle looks great and I was very proud of myself. I want to sincerely thank the officials in Essex for keeping the wait time extra long at the intersection so I have time during the day to finish fun projects like this. Increasingly, I'm finding my stays at the red light in Essex to be very peaceful, a kind of spiritual respite. The end.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners intersection was a hub of activity yesterday. While waiting for the interminably long light to change, we noticed idlers getting a lot done in their vehicles. One guy was printing spreadsheets from his laptop, another was sitting on his hood, with tax forms all over the place. A mom was playing Twister with her daughter; luckily the SUV they were in was large enough to accomodate the game. Along with monitoring the action, we were able to listen to the brand new Chesney CD, in it's entirety.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners intersection is the place to complete your personal hygiene tasks. Yesterday, the light took so long to change I was able to floss, clip my ear hair and take a spongebath, all the while watching SpongeBob on the portable DVD player. I was actually upset when the light turned green 'cuz I didn't get a chance to cut my toenails, but hey, I'll get to that next time.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Long wait at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning. I had time to get out of the car, walk over to the senior center, play a couple games of cribbage with the ladies before I had to get back to the idling. It was a good break.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Essex Junction Five Corners Light was so long yesterday several SUVs ran out of gas, forcing their chunky drivers to actually have to walk - something they weren't accustomed to. The trek to the local gas station was exhausting; luckily the SUV owners had time to rest when they returned to the light - which was still red!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
We waited for so long at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday that a local cop came along and arrested us for loitering! When I tried to explain that I was waiting for the light to change, the cop just laughed and said, " That's life in the Junction, Baby!"

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Yankee ingenuity at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. The blasted wait was so long, people got out of their vehicles,opened their trunks, set up card tables and had an impromptu flea market. I came away with a really neat Star Trek lunchbox and some used garden accessories. Other motorists found similar yummy deals. When the light finally turned green, we were a little poorer, but a lot richer, if you know what I mean.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Got caught up with some photographs yesterday at the Essex Junction Five Corners light. I was able to organize and fill three photo albums before the light finally changed. The Five Corners is rapidly becoming a place where I get a helluva lot accomplished! I don't know what I would do if they put a roundabout in there and I had to keep moving.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE or [THAT'S SIC]
I was at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light so long this morning my car depreciated 2,000 bucks. I'm not kidding. The guy from Capital in Essex came over while I was idling and said, " Hey, Boy - since you been at this here light , the value of yer car has gone down substansurly." (sic) Writers - don't you love hangin' a sic once in a while. Also, have you noticed more newspapers are putting [sic] in parentheses than brackets. Picky - picky.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE - Essential collection
The Essex Junction Five Corners Light is the place to complete your personal hygiene tasks. Why, just yesterday, the light took so long to change I was able to floss, pluck my back hair, cut my toenails AND take a spongebath, all the while watching every episode of The Waltons on my portable DVD player. It was a mighty pleasurable experience.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Fell asleep at the Essex Junction Five Corners light and dreamed that Peter Welch had promised to bring me a giant yummy caramel sundae.
In the dream I waited and waited but still no sundae. Finally Peter came to my car window (still in the dream) and said the ice cream shop was out of caramel, out of nuts, out of cherries and...out of ice cream!
I remember saying to him, "I don't believe you", and then I woke up, feeling weird.
It was a creepy dream and I'm glad the light changed so I could get out of there.

OCTOBER 3, 2008

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Was able to finish the entire New York Times Crossword at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning. In fact, I had some time left over and thought about reading some of the articles but decided I wasn't in the mood for media bias so early in the day.