FRIDAY'S HUM (06-01-07)

On this June day the buds in my garden are almost as enchanting as
the open flowers. Things in bud bring, in the heat of a June noontide, the
recollection of the loveliest days of the year - those days of May when all
is suggested, nothing yet fulfilled.
- Francis King

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (05-30-07)

TOP 7 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1 - GENTLEMAN JIM DOUGLAS SEEKS ANOTHER TERM
Wait. Didn't he just win? Oh, that's right. It's every two years, and in this robust political climate, one must be constantly campaigning. Republicans are hoping Scudder Parker runs again, too, 'cuz he'll get the same spanking he got last time!

2 - CINDY SHEEHAN AND PETER WELCH
Cindy Sheehan is backing out because she's running into the same problems as Peter Welch has encountered - being slammed from both the right AND the left. Sheehan has a great line in her resig letter:
"Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives."
Here's her essay from Daily Kos, entitled "Good Riddance, Attention Whore."

3. - ESSEX MEMORIAL DAY PARADE
One of the high school marching bands was playing Born In The U.S.A. Check out the words sometime.

4. - VERMONT CITY MARATHON
What a great event it is -- EXCEPT FOR THE HUNDREDS OF LOCAL RELAY RUNNERS WHO ARE SHUT OUT EVERY YEAR THANKS TO THAT STUPID LOTTERY!!!
There. We feel better now.

5. - LAKE MONSTERS AT CENTENNIAL JUNE 19
They don't have to win. If the beer's cold and the kids are having fun, life is good.
By the way - 19 former Vermont players have made the bigs. So who knows? Go to a Lake Monsters game and catch a possible future star.

6. - HIGH GAS PRICES
Hmmm. Wonder how much gas is being idled away at the Essex Junction Five Corners each day? Is there an engineer in the audience?

7. - CLINTON AT MIDDLEBURY COLLEGE
Ex-prez Bill Clinton was the commencement speaker at Midd's 207th Grad ceremony. The Burlington Free Press had a great front page pic of Clinton touching hands with an attractive 20ish female grad. Bill was smiling and he looked very, very happy.

FRIDAY'S HUM (05-25-07)

Country Fair

Author Unknown

Let's all go to the country fair, there's blossoms and ribbons and hope in the air. The harvest's in, the endless bin, and Grandpa can bring the old mare. For not long ago to another sound, men of great virtue stood their ground, their world spinning round and round. And lest we forget their treasured souls, 'midst blossoms and ribbons and stones in a row, 'round the merry-go-round we go. Our time is sweet in a Country fair.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (05-23-07)

TRAIN KILLS MAN TRYING TO KILL WOMAN
I like this headline the best, from ABC News. It evokes an image, from an old horror movie, in which a train takes on a human persona and kills bad people, one by one.
Here are some other headlines from the same story, which happened two days ago in California.

TRAIN TRACK DEATH PLOT BACKFIRES - News.com Australia
This reminds me of an old newspaper headline, say back in the 30's.

MAN DIES TRYING TO KILL WOMAN WITH TRAIN - NBC News
Here I envision a really strong man picking the train up and whacking the woman over the head with it.

DEATH ON TRACKS ENDS LOVER'S SPAT - L.A Daily News
This is a classic tabloid header.

MAN TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF, GIRLFRIEND ON TRAIN TRACKS DIES, BUT WOMAN LIVES - Tyler(Texas) Morning Telegraph
For this one, I had to hire a linguist to help decipher the damn thing!

EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT HOSTAS, BUT WERE NOT INTERESTED ENOUGH TO ASK
From Vermont's sweetest blog, Vermont Gardener, comes a Hosta Primavera.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Gardening day at the Essex Junction Five Corners light today. I put the car in park, got out, ran to Depot Home and Garden and purchased some sunflower seeds. Got back to the intersection and planted them on a grassy strip near the Quik Mart. Me and my fellow idlers were able to watch the sunflowers grow to about six feet before the light changed! It was a beautiful experience.

WEEKEND HUM (05-19-07)

TOP 9 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1. BURLINGTON FREE (MONEY-GRUBBING) PRESS - Gosh, it's so nice of the Free Press to offer City Marathon congrats messages in the May 28 issue. Oh, wait a minute. There's a slight charge for those messages. More than slight. A 1x2 goes for $34.50, and a 2x2 goes for, gulp, 69 bucks! Wow! The ad also states that "Larger sizes are available. Call for pricing." Call for pricing? No thanks.
2. LEGISLATURE ADJOURNS; PROPERTY TAXES STILL HIGH - No prob, Gaye. For most of us here in Vermont, our property taxes levels are too low, anyway. And, hey, Shummy, don't worry. The impeachment thing was much more important. Besides - most Vermonters are just kidding about property taxes killing 'em. It's not a big deal.
3. RICE HIGH BASEBALL COACH MIKE PEARO GATHERS 400TH WIN - He's such a good guy, we can't even think of anything sarcastic. Darn!
4. EXTRA TAX ON VERMONT YANKEE - Naw. Last week we told you it would go away. It will as soon as JD brandishes his gold-plated sharpshooting veto pen.
5. RANDOLPH HERALD'S DRYSDALE HITS THE BIGS - M. Dickey Drysdale joins the panel on VPR's Vermont This Week, rubbing elbows with Hallenbeck and Kinzel. Hey, how come Snarky Boy hasn't received an invite?
6. O'REILLY. LIPPERT. SENATORS SNIPING. - Was that a reality TV episode? The O'Reilly people looked like bullies, the crowd of legislators embarassed themselves and some onlookers overreacted. Hell - the only dude that stayed cool was...Bill Lippert.
7. ST. MIKE'S GRADUATION - Shoot. You mean another crop of rich, spoiled out-of-state babies are leaving? That's too bad.
   
8. BURLINGTON FREE (MONEY-GRUBBING) PRESS PART 2 - Now they're running an ad trying to peddle Memorial Day rememberances or something like that. And they ain't free. I think I'll just bow my head and remember on my own.
9. MAY WEATHER - Can't you just see it coming. It's gonna be August and people will be wondering where the summer went.
   

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (05-16-07)

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Arrived at the Essex Junction Five Corners light just as it turned red. Oh boy! It was going to be a long one.
So I shut the car off and trucked on over to the Essex senior center, hoping to wile away the hours gabbing with the good ole folks. I proceeded to get my butt spanked, losing six straight games of bridge, but recovered, and kicked some geriatric behind in cribbage, winning three in a row. I then gulped down a couple shots of Mango Ensure, and headed back to the intersection just as light went green. It was perfect!

P.S - Here's a joke that is circulating at the center:

My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as sharp as it used to be!

BREAKING NEWS
PETER FREYNE WITH THE REPORT THAT ONE OF OUR FAVORITE READS, THE VERMONT GUARDIAN, IS CEASING OPERATIONS. DARN!

MONDAY'S HUM (05-14-07)

ALL THE NUKES THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
Astounding number of pro-Vermont Yankee letters to the editor in the past week, most adopting a dispassionate, scientific or semi- rational viewpoint on the continuation and even expansion of the nuclear plant's capabilities. Here's some of the best from around the state:

Bill Hazelett of Colchester promotes expansion of Vermont Yankee in today's Free Press.

Peter Bradford of Peru takes on nuke lobbying in the Bennington Banner.
He's not pro, but his submission is well-written.

Peter Shumlin has to go, says an editorial in the Caledonian-Record. His deception with the VY issue has "strained the credibility of Vermonters..."

Lisa Ventriss, President of the Vermont Business Roundtable, argues that "nuclear energy is clean, reliable and inexpensive...", in the Rutland Herald.

WEEKEND HUM (05-12-07)

TOP 7 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1. WELCH SUPPORTS WAR FUNDING BILL - Wait a minute. On the campaign trail didn't he say he was against the war ? Oh, that's right. That was the campaign trail.
Now the anti-war activists have joined the Repubs in their distrust and lack of respect for the beleaguered congressman. Strange bedfellows, eh?

2. LET'S TAX VERMONT YANKEE ! - Sounds okay, huh? Trying to get some sweet cash out of the evil nuclear folks. One problem, though. There's a ton of resistance, to the point that this might all just go away. Did John Campbell change his vote yet?

3. HOUSING MARKET DOWNTURN IN VERMONT - Pssst. You can get a 550k house in Shelburne right now for about 520k. What a steal, huh? What's that? Oh, you're an average Vermonter ? Well, never mind.

4. LITTLE LEAGUE. CREEMEES. SUNSET DRIVE-IN. TULIPS - Ahhh.

5. MIDDLEBURY LACROSSE - If I hear or read anything else about the Middlebury Lacrosse team, I'm going to go batty and bonk someone over the head with a... lacrosse stick?

6. THUNDER ROAD IN BARRE STARTING UP AGAIN - Merchants are excited about the possibilities the local racing season brings.
Beer sales up. Tattoo sales up. Cigarette sales up. Ammo sales up. Tank top sales up. Beef jerky sales up. Cigarette sales up some more. Hard cider sales up. Bow and arrow sales up. Ashtray sales up. Prewrapped grinder sales up. Ammo sales up again. And so on.

7. AP IRONMAN ROSS SNEYDE GOING TO VPR - Ross, you're going to have to talk a little softer, move a little slower.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (05-09-07)

CHEAP CHANNEL SELLING STAR, CHAMP, OTHERS
VERMONT GUARDIAN OUTSCOOPS OTHER LOCAL MEDIA
Hats off to the Vermont Guardian, one of our favorite papers, er, online weeklies. They've got the poop on the changing radio market in Vermont, one which has had people buzzing for months.

By the way, here's our Cheap Channel story from December.

MONDAY'S HUM (05-07-07)

GOT KIDS ?
This funny and insightful piece by Jennifer Borch in today's Free Press is worth the five or ten minutes it takes to read it. Borch asks the question "Where to waffle?", and thoughtfully opines about kids and soda, kids and TV, and palatable violence. The BFP has a winner in Borch with her periodic musings.

VNA VERMONT RESPITE HOUSE 5K FUN RUN HAPPENS THIS SATURDAY (Whew! Long Headline)
MCCLINTOCK GROVELING FOR PLEDGE BUCKS
Let's see. How do I ask for money in a way that doesn't reduce me to a quivering, patronizing, pushy, righteous, charity-thumping pest. Hey , how about the truth.

Well, folks - I, Brian McClintock, a VNA employee, am running in the Jiggety Jog on May 12 and would appreciate any support you could send my way.
Wait a minute - I shouldn't have said "support"; I'm really looking for pledge dollars, so if I'm truthfully asking for money, I should have said "I would appreciate any money you could send my way", but that sounds kind of crass. Anyway...

The VNA's Respite House is a good place that has helped countless numbers of individuals with terminal illness. The 5k is a fun event which REALLY helps fund the programs at the "House". So please open your wallets, pocketbooks and change purses, beloved, and spread the love.

Thanks.

mcclintocker@hotmail.com

FRIDAY'S HUM (05-04-07)

TOP 9 HUMMERS OF THE WEEK

1. BOB DYLAN'S COMIN' TO TOWN - He'll be in Essex, July 1. First time in the area since'95. His requested rider includes 3 boxes of Depends, 6 cans of Ensure, a tube of Poli-dent, and a pair of those brown slippers. You know - those brown slippers old people wear.
2. BEES ARE LEAVING VERMONT - Also leaving are kids out of high school, retirees and anybody else who can't afford New Vermont!
3. CHAMPLAIN COLLEGE TUITION RISES 39% - Geez - that's more than the Vermont Gas rate hike! And the Green Mountain Power increase! And the property tax incline! And the...
4. IMMIGRANT MARCH - Not as many showed up this year. They were all at work.
5. SPIDERMAN 3 THIS WEEKEND - Okay, kid. I've got 100 bucks. Do you want a new bike or do you wanna see Spidey 3? Let's see - 9 bucks for the popcorn, sixteen bucks for the flick, 28 bucks for candy, 12 bucks for nachos...
   
6. CINDER BLOCK FALLS THROUGH JOE'S POND - Man wins 4k. Boy, was I off. I figured with global warming, the ice wouldn't freeze at all!
7. BARRE SCHOOL BUS DRIVER SENTENCED FOR DUI - She wasn't just buzzed - she was trashed! . Her BAC WAS .027; that's higher than David Hasslehoff's on a Cuervo night.
8. GREEN-UP DAY IS SATURDAY - Put down the Doritos, get off your ass, grab a bag, and head over to my backyard! I've got plenty of Green-Up for ya.
9. COTS WALK - Now, I can't remember. Are they walking for charity - or walking the picket line?
   

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (05-2-07)

GAS HYSTERIA
3 BUCKS A GALLON IN BURLINGTON
Have you noticed how gas prices have quietly crept up. Have you noticed that mannequins still stand at the tank, pumping precious petrol furiously into their shiny, squeaky clean Suvs.

WELL, THIS IS NOTHING, FOLKS!

The government predicts that gas prices could hit a record this summer!

Read what AAA has to say about the whole thing.