WEEKEND HUM ( 4-30-06 )

TOP 7 ( Hum on the street for the week of April 30 )

1. Director of Liquor Commission in Oregon nabbed for DUI
   
2. Four Burlington restaurants have delinquent tax amounts plastered on front page of Free Press.
   
3. Sox in 1st, Yanks in 2nd
4. Gordon Lightfoot announced - Flynn in August
5. United 93 in theatres
6. Gas tax fizzles
7. People raise stink over Tarrant's laptop giveaway
   

FRIDAY'S HUM ( 4-28-06 )

DEEP COVER
The award winning Vermont Hum investigative reporter is on special assignment. Look for a special Vermont weekly wrap-up on Sunday April 30.

SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT - SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT - SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT

THURSDAY'S HUM ( 4-27-06 )

HEY, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA
We get tons of mail, but one post stuck out like a sore thumb. It was a crazy idea, but a good one. Instead of donating 20 zillion dollars to Middlebury College, why doesn't the anonymous donor set up a Vermont scholarship fund, kinda like the one Jimbo is trying to sell to the legislators. The Dems and the Repubs are bickering like 3 year olds, and the budget and Jimbo's scholarship thingy are in limbo. Besides, does shi-shi Middlebury College and Resort really need another 20 mil to further satisfy its crop of Massachusetts snotbag students. It's a cruel, cruel, world, isn't it, just knowing that colleges receive millions of dollars out of the blue but countless elderly individuals live in pain 'cuz they can't afford 58 bucks for this week's meds. How about this. Maybe Anonymous Dude can donate 5 mil to Middlebury, 5 mil to the Vermont scholarship fund, 5 mil to the elderly and 5 mil to us! Yeah, that's the ticket.

READ THE VERMONT TIMES?
We've all seen the Vermont Times, sitting there in the stores, waiting to be picked up and read. Sort of like the bear Corduroy, waiting for a nice person to take him home. But we've never really known anyone who has taken the plunge and actually glanced at the paper. It was just sorta ...there.
Well, we actually picked one up the other day and leafed through it. Guess who has a column in there? The Logger! Yeah, the guy we love to pick on so much. The guy who's taken local overexposure to a higher level. And guess what? His column is not bad! It's funny, it's brutally honest and it made sense. So go ahead - next time you see the Vermont Times, pick one up. We're sure there will be a few hanging around.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Yankee ingenuity at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. The blasted wait was so long, people got out of their vehicles,opened their trunks, set up card tables and had an impromptu flea market. I came away with a really neat Star Trek lunchbox and some used garden accessories. Other motorists found similar yummy deals. When the light finally turned green, we were a little poorer, but a lot richer, if you know what I mean.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM ( 4-26-06 )

THERE WILL BE NO SALVAGING OF PRIDE
Funny haha story from CAX this morn. Salvage yard owner in East Montpelier sick of people ripping him off so he stays up all night in yard waiting for leeches. Sure enough, thief comes along and is caught in the act by the salvage yard owner, who zaps him with a paint gun. Thief flees, but is caught by police 'cuz he has paint all over him! Too much.

EQUAL SCHMEQUAL
Possibly one of the best explanations we have heard disputing lack of equal pay theory for women. Local blog extraordinaire She's Right explains it here.

GASSY EDITION
The best hour on local radio is upon us again with VPR's Vermont Edition following the noon news. Today the subject will be gas, gas and more gas, which, gosh, certainly is topical. But then again, Steve Zind could do an hour show on ' how they coat telephone poles ' and make it interesting.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
We waited for so long at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday that a local cop came along and arrested us for loitering! When I tried to explain that I was waiting for the light to change, the cop just laughed and said, " That's life in the Junction, Baby!"

WEDNESDAY'S HUM ( 4-26-06 )

SNOW JOB
Early AP reports have Fox blowhard Tony Snow taking helm as White House press secretary. Snow has been critical of the administration at times and, if selected, will probably have more freedom verbally to lash back at the obnoxious and obviously left-leaning WH press corps.

WE ALL SCREAM (AND WAIT) FOR ICE CREAM
Would you wait for an hour in the rain for a free ice cream cone. According to people who have done just that, at Ben & Jerry's free ice cream day, the wait is all part of the fun. As Mr. Spock once said, " Sometimes wanting is better than having." Wonder if they were scooping any of that Black & Tan.

TUESDAY'S HUM ( 4-25-06 )

GAS CAP LOCK SALE
They're going fast, folks. Get 'em while you can. A Chittenden County parts dealer peddling gas cap locks. It's a sign of the times. Ol' Charlie in Burlington says not to worry too much. If we lived in Norway we'd be paying 6 bucks a gallon and would be encountering fjord-sized potholes. Ol' Charlie also says that the poor really get hit from the high gas prices but the rich - they don't care - they got plenty of dough to buy gas for their Expeditions and Esplanades. Ol' Charlie also said he saw something on CNN pointing out that Venezuelans only pay about 25 cents a gallon for gas. By the way - CCTA ridership is up. Duh.

TRAIN RIDE
Shelburne Museum announces full line-up for music series. Here's our grade for each act.

• Musical group TRAIN. They're on their way out and tickets are overpriced. Grade: C
• WILLIE NELSON. Worth the traffic hassles 'cuz he's important culturally. Grade: A-
• GRACE POTTER. Overrated singer will never make it big despite trendy buzz. Grade: C+
• BELA, DEL AND NATA. Del alone worth putting up with the rain. A-

PUCK FINN
Delightful cast of Swedes, Finns, Russians leading Habs to first game win in playoffs. Last week in the HUM we predicted first round win for Montreal and they are on their way. Shazam!

HEALTHY CHOICE?
Crunch time for Legislature regarding health care reform. Let's see if our elected officials can get along or stay mired in the treacherous partisan swampland. We'll have a big report later in the week.

GOOD SHEPHERD UPDATE
Unremitting HUM on the street about emergence of Mark Shepard and his run for the House. Shepard, well- known down south, needs constant Chitt County presence to squeeze by Welch.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Essex Junction Five Corners Light was so long yesterday several SUVs ran out of gas, forcing their chunky drivers to actually have to walk - something they weren't accustomed to. The trek to the local gas station was exhausting; luckily the SUV owners had time to rest when they returned to the light - which was still red!

WEEKEND HUM ( 4-22-06 )

GOOD CHIP OFF THE BLOCK
Literal and figurative hats off to Chip Spillane and Thrifty Car Rental. In ad running on the radio this weekend, Spillane says he's not going to talk business, he's gonna talk blood. Seems he heard from Monica at the Red Cross about a desperate need for blood and decided to use his radio time for that! If more radio hounds used half their time for biz and half for helping the common cause, we'd all be better off. Especially the car dealers. Have you watched the local six o'clock news stations lately. The amount of car ads is sickening. There used to be an unwritten rule that a station would never run two car ads back to back. Not any more, folks. It's sell, sell, sell.

THERE'S ALWAYS THE HOME SHOW
Home Show this weekend. I know what you're saying. Whatever. But if you need a place to let the kiddies unleash their energy, what better place than the fairgrounds. And kids under 17 are free.

THE GREAT BEN & JERRY'S BLACK AND TAN BOO-BOO
Uh-oh. The marketing wizards at Unilever and Jerry's probably didn't know that the Black and Tan militia were violent British thugs. They just thought that the name Black & Tan would be really cool for their new flavor, based on the lovely combo of ale and stout. A blogger got some ink from Reuters with this story. Check out junkfoodblog.com.

FRIDAY'S HUM ( 4-21-06 )

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Big barbecue at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light yesterday. Chicken on the grille, potato salad, gelatin, you name it. With Jimmy Buffett blaring from someone's pickup and beach balls abounding, it was quite the festive occasion. When the light finally turned green after 3 or 4 hours, everyone was ready to go home for a nap anyway.

THURSDAY'S HUM (4-20-06)

HOLY GREENBACKS, BATMAN
Lots of HUM about settlement between Catholic Diocese and victim for nearly a million dollars. The big story, though is still to come. There are 16 misconduct cases pending, with more than a handful involving Rev. Paquette, the focus of this first case. With a loose precedent already set, it will be interesting to see what happens with the other cases involving Paquette.

GIMME THE KEYS
Big show at the Flynn on May 10. NPR icon Marian McPartland will sit on the piano bench and tickle the ivories. McPartland has forgotten more about jazz than most jazz afficionados know. She talks about playing with Biz and Louis like we talk about going to Big Lots or having shook hands with the governor. For various reasons, this show is a biggie.

SCHILL HAMMER
Curt Schilling is 4-0 and saying FU to all the critics. He's always well-prepared, always in shape, and is a major competitor. The HUM predicted he would come back strong.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Long wait at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning. I had time to get out of the car, walk over to the senior center, play a couple games of cribbage with the ladies before I had to get back to the idling. It was a good break.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM ( 4-19-06 )

NIGHT TRAIN BLUES
Bad HUM coming out of Colchester. Residents report trains passing through between 11 p.m. and midnight, with whistles shrieking and horns blasting. Is it okay for trains to blare 2 zillion decibel horns and shake houses at midnight but not okay for Joe Sixpack to yell and play loud Bon Jovi ? Stay tuned while we look into this.

DEPRESSED SECRETARY
AP reports White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan stepping down due to ...well, he's sick of taking shit from weaselbag reporters. Replacement? We nominate either Bill Clinton or the Green Mountain Power press release person. Your thoughts?

TABS ON THE HABS
Montreal Canadiens taking on Carolina Hurricanes in first round of playoffs. Partly because of inconsistent Hurricane goalkeeping, we predict the Habs will take the series in 5.

BREAKING NEWS - WINOOSKI ROUNDABOUT
F-16s scrambled to the Winooski roundabout to rescue a cute little old lady who had been circling for days. Sources say the cutie pie entered the roundabout on Monday afternoon and kept going 'round and 'round. She is reported to be moderately dehydrated but doing swell, albeit a little dizzy.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Was able to polish an entire set of Gunucci silverware at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning.
Was not able to sort them back in the tray 'cuz the stupid light changed, which irked me. You know, sometimes the Essex Junction Five Corners Light changes too quickly!

TUESDAY'S HUM (4-18-06 )

PASSING GAS
Local gas prices are around 2.70 a gallon, a bargain if you live on the west coast. The groovy people out there are being soaked for 2.85 a gallon, give or take. I remember being in Spain years ago and paying 3 bucks a gallon and saying to myself, ' Boy, would it suck if we had to pay this much back in the States. Well ...

EARTHWHILE
Earth Day is still hanging in there after 36 years. We remember people 20 years ago exclaiming, " What is Earth Day, for God's sakes?" Echo Center is taking it to another level, unveiling Mudfest, a nine-day celebration from April 22 to April 30. They'll be having workshops, games, art contest and music at noon, starting with Patti Casey on the 22nd. Ain't that the gal that was on Prairie Home Companion? Cool.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Had a great time yesterday waiting for the Essex Junction Five Corners Light to change. I got out of my car, hailed a cab for the airport, flew to Boston, bought a scalped ticket, watched the Sox win, flew back and reached my car just as the light turned green. It was simply marvelous!

MONDAY'S HUM ( 4-17-06 )

POWER TRIP
Green Mountain Power jumps on rate increase bandwagon.Sticky sweet press release very convincing; almost makes one happy about paying more. Almost. GMP actually looking good with a measly 12% increase, compared to 16.7% from Vermont Gas and 23% (ouch!) from Burl Electric.

ICE BREAKING NEWS FROM JOE'S POND
The block went down yesterday at 3:20 p.m. at Joe's Pond in Danville. Three lucky winners are over a thousand dollars richer today. It's early for the block to drop - it usually doesn't happen for another week or two.

SUPERSIZE THAT CASKET
Everything is getting bigger these days. AP reports oversize casket sales are climbing. With a 65% adult overweight stat staring us in the face, it doesn't surprise. What's next? Elongated church pews. Wait. With church attendance declining but people getting larger, it all cancels out.

YANKEE PANKY

• Bronx Bombers are 6-6 but have scored 80 runs in 12 games.
  
• Ex -Yank Ruben Sierra signs with Twins.
• Damon hitting .340 with 7 doubles.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Essex Junction Five Corners Light interminably long this morning. Good thing I had a copy of 'The Brothers Bulger' in the car. I was able to read it - twice - before the light turned green. Good book.

EASTER HUM

EASTER WISH LIST

1. Peace
2. Peace
3. Peace
4. Peace
5. Chocolat

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners Light was extra long this Easter morn. I was able to get out of the car, run to the church, attend the service, have coffee and doughnuts in the meeting room and still get back to the car before the light turned green. There was an added bonus. Since my car was safe and sound at the Five Corners, I didn't have to look for a spot in the crowded church parking lot! It was nice.

FRIDAY'S HUM ( 4-14-06 )

VOTRE SANTE
Lots of Hum about Vermont Senate health reform bill. It's a nail-biter, folks. Much more about this next week, when the picture will be clearer. Watch closely, friends, 'cuz this reform package could be one of the most vital pieces of legislation in recent times. It's boring to some, but important to all. Got some down time this weekend?
Study the proposals at www.politicsol.com/govsites/state-legislatures/vt.html

JESUS, IT'S THE EASTER BUNNY
Hilarious cartoon in this week's issue of Seven Days. It's the first Easter; the Easter Bunny and Jesus encounter each other and exclaim: ' Hey! Who are you?' Well, I guess you had to be there. Wait a minute, you can! Just go to page 56a in the current issue and yuck for yourselves.

MEET YOU AT THE SNACK BAR
Sunset Drive-In now open with a mix of movies. Of the flicks showing, 2 are PG, 4 are PG-13 and 2 are R. Not bad. Many are sequels,with Ice Age 2 and Scary Movie 4 leading the way.

UNBEARABLE
Bruins not making the playoffs this year. Yawn.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Good Friday at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light was a religious experience. While idling this morning, I was able to say 10 Our Fathers, 10 Hail Marys and still have time to read the ENTIRE New Testament. The light turned green just as I was wrapping up Revelations 21. It was perfect!

THURSDAY'S HUM ( 4-13-06 )

GRAND UNION GOING BYE-BYE
Today's Essex Reporter with headline, 'Grand Union set to close by month's end.' Shoot - where's everybody going to buy their outdated food. Just kidding, folks - the Grand Union on Susie Wilson Road was, er, is one of those lovable, quirky markets where you just didn't know what you'd find. Maybe they'd be out of napkins one day but - alas - they'd have a bottle of '95 Lindemanns. The Reporter writes about the speculation of a Target going in there. Forget Target - how about a Chuck E. Cheese's!

ALL THAT JAZZ
Line-up announced for June Jazz Festival. Thumbs-up for performer selection. Dianne Reeves is the jazz vocalist of this era; 100 years from now she will be mentioned in the breath as Billie and Ella. Ahmad Jamal is solid and the reunion of Kilomanjaro is the Hum of the town.

IT'S THE PRINCIPAL
Rice Memorial website announcing new principal Father Bourgeois. Funny, but not a word about outgoing Principal Dr. Crowley. Stay tuned.

CELTIC, AHEM, PRIDE
Celts miss playoffs on account of injuries, inconsistency, but most of all because they SUCK!!!!!!!!!! What good are Pierce's 27 points every game if the team has zero chemistry. Get rid of Pierce, Blount, West, LaFrentz and Banks. Keep Davis, Jefferson, Gomes and Tony Allen. Start over.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Was able to finish the entire New York Times Crossword at the Essex Junction Five Corners Light this morning. In fact, I had some time left over and thought about reading some of the articles but decided I wasn't in the mood for media bias so early in the day.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM ( 4-12-06 )

HUM DOES ESSEX
Our prediction that everything would sail through in Essex was right on (See Monday's Hum). Voters were yes-happy, approving everything but the kitchen sink. Bond vote - passed. Budget - passed. Rec and parks - passed. Buffet table every day at the library - well, it probably would've passed.

CHARLES DOES CAMILLA
Gosh, What the heck to get C & C for their first anniversary. Maybe a nice garden thingy from Big Lots. Or a frame from the Dollar Store that doesn't look like it came from the Dollar Store. Sometimes life is just so confusing.

WELCH'S SOUR GRAPE JUICE
Damn, our server almost went down yesterday after our Shepard beats Welch prediction. The left hopes we're not right and the right hopes we're not left. Stay tuned, folks.

YANKEE PANKY
Yanks thunderous bats on display yesterday at home opener. Giambi and Jetes crashing three run homers and Bernie (wise old sage) Williams with two hits and numerous standing o's.

SOX TOX
Beckett has rough first inning at home opener, but, hey, he's known for that. In most cases, he'll get stronger as the game goes on. Like yesterday. Sox escaped the first giving up only one run and went on to win 5-3, thanks to Sternball, Moneybags Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis. Sounds like a musical instrument, doesn't it? Now performing on the youkilis...

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Heard a budding entrepreneur talking about starting carhop service at the Essex Junction Five Corners intersection. What a great idea! You've got cars idling at the lights, sometimes for hours or even days, with a captive audience waiting for your product. Have a waiter on rollerblades delivering yummy food to motorists who are deeply entrenched and have time to kill. By the way, does anyone remember the Essex A&W? Those were the days, my friend.

TUESDAY'S HUM (4-11-06 )

GOOD SHEPARD
Big step this morn for House candidate Mark Shepard, bagging time on WVMT's Charlie and Ernie Show. The Good Shepard is up against Martha Rainville in the Republican primary; the winner faces Peter Welch. Rainville has been declared the frontrunner and the guys on the radio this morning were trying to figure out why. We know why. She's a GENERAL, which has afforded her many media moments, good and bad. And whoever says she has zero political experience hasn't been a General lately. Imagine the inside politicking that goes on in that world!
Meanwhile, Shepard, a Bennington Senator, has an impressive resume. Farmboy turned engineer, he is well known in southern Vermont and has done a lot of volunteer youth work. He's a native Vermonter who left town for a while to study at some schools you might know. MIT, RPI and the University of Florida. Oh, and don't forget Hartford High School.
We predict that Shepard's campaign will gain momentum, slowly and logically (he's an engineer, remember) and Rainville's campaign will falter. Shepard will then upset Welch in the general election, albeit by a narrow margin.
I f you check the archives, our predictions are usually correct. The last one had Decelles upsetting Blais in Burlington.

WHAT'S IN A NAME
Hum on the street suggests people are confused about the whole immigration terminolgy. Are they:

• Undocumented workers
• Nonresident workers
• Immigrants
• Illegal aliens
• Illegal immigrants

Well, try to notice and remember how each newspaper, TV station, etc. frames the story, along with the term they use for the illegal immigrant, which is technically correct. An individual crossing the border into this country without proper documention and authorization is breaking the law, therefore making that individual an illegal entrant. If they are focusing on living in the states, they are an immigrant. Hence, they are an illegal immigrant. Whether one believes in the current immigration policy, well, that's another ball of wax.

HOT COCO
Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp off to a great start and then - BANG! - he gets injured. Crisp expected to miss a few games with a painful index finger.
Big Papi making mucho dinero. He's pretty much getting the same deal Damon got with the Yanks.
Sox home opener today against Toronto.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners Light took so long to change this morning, I was able to get out of the car, run to the high school, vote, run back to the car and adjust my tie with seconds to spare. The light finally turned green and I went on my merry way, excited that I had fulfilled my civic duty. Five Corners Light - I love you!

MONDAY'S HUM (4-10-06 )

POLL CALL
Biggie in Essex tomorrow. Numerous items on the ballot, notably a 12 million bond for high scool and rink renovations. The Essex Skating Facility is so outdated they still have a team of horses cleaning the ice with a pull sled. The locker rooms still have spitoons and the snack bar still serves up RC Cola and Grape Nehi. Okay, maybe we're exaggerating but the rink definitely needs mucho improvements. HUM on the streets of Essex leads us to predict that all ballot items will pass.

GASHOLES
Gas prices rising faster than George Steinbrenner's blood pressure. One day it's 2.54 gal and two days later it's 2.67. Ironic and pathetically funny scene in Williston yesterday. Guy complaining to convenience store clerk about high gas prices - while his SUV idles 20 feet away. It was a headshaking moment.
There are just not enough solid reasons why gas prices should be moving up steadily at this time of year. There are certain times when higher prices naturally happen. During peak travel periods, for example. But not now. The simple explanation is this. WE ARE BEING JACKED and will continue to be jacked because not enough bigshots are willing to fight the fight and also because most people are like sheep - willing to numbly hand over dollar after dollar so they can fill up their Explorer and drive to the faceless chain store to buy a piece of Chinese crap they don't really need. "Hey Honey, that leaf blower is marked down twenty bucks! Should we grab it?" Yeah, pal - you go stoke up that Dodge Ram and go buy that leaf blower. We'll keep the light on.

WEEKEND SPORTS REVIEW
Sox hot. Schill pitching like he's 21 and the bullpen solid. New infield not shaky. Crisp out yesterday. Stern played centerfield and rocked.
Yanks win yesterday. Mussy throwing good ball. Yanks not worried about slow start; their bats will get them to the playoffs.
Mickelson dons green jacket, grabs check for 1.2 mil. He had the 3P's yesterday. Power, poise and perseverance.
'consin wins college hockey crown. We knew it was going to happen.

Out.

SATURDAY'S HUM (4-08-06 )

PUFF PIECE
Saw a guy and his 2 kids in an SUV in Winooski the other day. Sounds normal, eh? Butt hangin' out of the Dad's mouth. Still not uncommon, right? Well, it got me to thinking. Does the guy just not get it, considering all the anti-smoking jazz going on. Does he just not care? Is smoking so much a part of his culture that he is just oblivious to the whole thing? Is he just incredibly stupid?
Well, lo and behold - big news coming out of Arkansas, yeah, Arkansas, which is Cigarette Central. Governor Huckabee put his John Hancock on a bill banning smoking in most indoor public places. There are many exemptions, but it's a good start, a damn good start for a big tobacco state like Arkansas.
The really big news in this story is the bill that's not signed yet. It's legislation that would ban smoking in vehicles with little kids inside. How about that, folks! Gosh, what a novel idea. The sponsor of the bill, Rep.Bob Mathis, got sick and tired of seeing dummies smoking in cars with kids in the back. The bill is on the Governor's desk and you can bet the tobacco farm he'll sign it.

YANK TANK
New York Yankees off to a slow start with a 1-3 record. We know the problem. They just don't pay their players enough. But seriously, germs, the Bronx Bombers have some pitching probs that need to be addressed. RJ and Mussy look strong right off the bat, so to speak, but the rest of the gang could go either way.
The bats will be there; has there been a more feared lineup in the past twenty years? By the way, Johnny D has 7 hits in eighteen at bats, with 4 doubles and 3 runs scored. Not too shabby.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners intersection is the place to complete your personal hygiene tasks. Yesterday, the light took so long to change I was able to floss, clip my ear hair and take a spongebath, all the while watching SpongeBob on the portable DVD player. I was actually upset when the light turned green 'cuz I didn't get a chance to cut my toenails, but hey, I'll get to that next time.

FRIDAY'S HUM (4-07-06)

I KNOW - LET'S PUT IT ON PAGE 11!
The average Joe/Jane reading a newspaper has virtually no idea how much slant is involved, not only with the text of an article, but with the placement of an article. Some papers are predictable; one can be comfy knowing where the Boston Globe will place certain news stories, as one can also be comfortable guessing where the Wall Street Journal will put a particular piece. Today is an interesting study; with the USA Today, WSJ and NYT leading with the big immigration story while the Washington Post and others going with the Libby thing. The Free Press screams with the Libby piece, and chucks the immigration bill on page 11. Curious.

SALMON RUN
Just when state auditor Randy Brock starts to get acclimated in his new position, here comes - WHO? - Tom Salmon Jr. saying he might be interested in the job. Yes, the son of former Gov Thomas Salmon is considering a run for the roses. Randy has got to be thinking, "My Gosh, I finally get in here, and now I've got the son of a Governor eyeing my turf." Bet he'd like to call him the son of something else!

START THE MOVIE
Yayyy!! The Sunset Drive-in is opening next week. You know happy days are ahead when the Sunset opens it's doors, er, gate. Now if only Hollywood would make something we can watch.

INCLEMENT?
Big test tonight for Red Sox hurler Matt Clement. As Clement goes, so go the Bosox. He has a good year, they have a good year. With Schill looking strong but Wake looking iffy, it's imperative that Clement rocks.
What do you think of Coco Crisp? In Boston's opener, he struck out in his first two at-bats, and fans started booing. Since, he has set a torrid pace, hitting .357 with four runs scored. He also has been flawless in the field.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The Essex Junction Five Corners intersection was a hub of activity yesterday. While waiting for the interminably long light to change, we noticed idlers getting a lot done in their vehicles. One guy was printing spreadsheets from his laptop, another was sitting on his hood, with tax forms all over the place. A mom was playing Twister with her daughter; luckily the SUV they were in was large enough to accomodate the game. Along with monitoring the action, we were able to listen to the brand new Prince CD, in it's entirety.

THURSDAY'S HUM (4-06-06)

NUKE 'EM HIGH
There has been vigorous debate, a robust exchange of ideas (Doesn't that sound like something our hospital CEO would say) regarding the use of wind power in Vermont. But quietly in the background, Vt.Yankee has been ramping up. More power to the engines, Jim! Yesterday, the Feds gave VY the thumbs-up to stoke the furnace, so to speak, and increase the power by 5 percent. There were protests planned, but they were abandoned presumably due to the Katie Couric situation. One protester said she'd hate to be in the field and miss any breaking news regarding Katie's career march.
We're STILL wondering. With the ratings rising, why dump Bubba Schieffer and bring in this annoying little weaseball. God help us.

KRISAPPEARANCES
Volumes of street HUM regarding Craven's new flick, 'Disappearances.' Another show has been added at the Essex Cinemas tomorrow, with star Kristofferson attending the first one. Still hard to believe he's got a master's degree, eh? When I think of Kris Kristofferson, I think of lost love, hunting, Nascar and drinkin' whiskey with the good ole boys. I don't think of Kris on the couch with a cup of tea, reading Tennyson! Oh, well. At least the logger hasn't weaseled his way into this production... or has he?

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
The light was so long at the Essex Junction Five Corners yesterday, I was able to eat an entire Martone's grinder from start to finish while idling. Have you ever had one their grinders - the thing is like 18 feet long. It was delicious and messy but I was also able to clean up with some wipes before the light changed.

WEDNESDAY'S HUM (4-5-06)

COURIC'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE
Millions of people are gonna be having dinner with Katie Couric in a few months. This morning KC announced her plans to switch networks - she's on her way to CBS to anchor the Evening News. Ironically, ratings have been rising with Bubba Schieffer at the helm. People like him. He's like the wise old owl you'd see at Aubuchon Hardware, chewing the fat with one of the older clerks. Charlie and Ernie of WVMT with some funny stuff the other day regarding Katie, basically wondering out loud what most of us are thinking. Why Couric? Who cares? Will it bring the ratings way up? And if CBS wants to get the ratings way up, why not bring in a Fox hottie or a bizarre novelty choice like Tom Delay. Whatever.

HEALTHY CHOICE
Massachusetts making big move to approve bill making sure all of it's citizens have coverage in five years or less. It's unchartered territory - they're the first state to jump this far off the healthcare diving board. It's gonna be a learn as you go thing, but hats off to the lawmakers for just doing it.! Ask yourself. Do you honestly know where Vermont is going with it's healthcare plans. We know. More meetings. More bickering. More bullshit.

BLISS
Kid's book illustrator Harry Bliss appearing tonight at the Williston Library. What a treat for your little Johnny and for you.

COUNTRY HUM
Geez. Everywhere we turn there is something about country music. First, Garth Brooks ex is kidnapped at gunpoint by an enraged farm employee. He released her after she threatened to keep singing.
Next we have Hank Williams Jr. in some sort of a tiff with a nineteen year old waitress. We didn't care enough to keep reading, but what a field day for Larry the Cable Guy. He's got material for the next 3 years.
Last but not least, Rascal Flatts is coming to the Fair! They're big, but check out the opening act, Gary Allan. He's good, man.

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Was able to do something at the Essex Junction Five Corners light that I have been wanting to do for years. Have you ever seen those ship in a bottle kits they sell at places like Ben Franklin? Well, I had one in the car and figured the Five Corners light was long enough for me to finally finish the project. I did, the ship in the bottle looks great and I was very proud of myself. I want to sincerely thank the officials in Essex for keeping the wait time extra long at the intersection so I have time during the day to finish fun projects like this. Increasingly, I'm finding my stays at the red light in Essex to be very peaceful, a kind of spiritual respite. The end.

TUESDAY'S HUM (4-4-06)

KISS AND TELL
Packed house at the Contois Odditorium last night for the new mayor's love-in. During a brief speech, Mayor Kiss promised this, promised that, and still found time to slam the Bush Administration. Same old partisan crap. On a brighter note, the cheese and crackers were excellent!

SNOW PATROL
It is Tuesday morn and snow is falling. It's beginning to look like Christmas. Think I'll pop in a copy of 'Holiday Inn', sit back with a hot chocolate and enjoy this beautiful winter, er, spring day.

BOETTCHER ALLEN
Where's Bill Boettcher when the hospital needs him. Fletcher Allen announcing the layoff of 50 or so, with CEO Estes saying all the stuff we've heard before. Careful catch-phrases like 'broad brush, 'top heavy management', an 'impact' here and a 'go forward' there. It has been suggested that if Estes worked an 8 hour shift in certain departments at the hospital it would be an eye-opener. She would uncover areas of waste, build morale and know firsthand what's going on. What a novel idea.

WIN-WIN
Sox and Yanks pounding out easy wins on opening day. Schilling and Randy J both looked sharp and Big Papi and A-Rod came up BIG.

ESSEX JUNCTION FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Really had fun at the Essex Junction Five Corners light yesterday. Knowing it would be a while before the light turned green, a passenger and I got out the Parcheesi board and played a spirited game. It had been so long since I had played Parcheesi and it felt great. The light changed just as the game ended. Perfect timing!

MONDAY'S HUM (4-3-06)

FIRST KISS
Hot time in the old town tonight. New mayor Bob Kiss will be sworn in and councilors will take the oath of office. Post time is 7 at Contois Auditorium. Heard on the street: "Wouldn't it be ironic if Kiss was late getting to the ceremony on account of car problems caused by hitting a GIANT FREAKING BURLINGTON POTHOLE!!

FIRST BASEBALL - THEN HOOPS - THEN BACK TO BASEBALL
What a day for sports nuts, eh? Sox first up at 2 with Schilling on the mound. NCAA finals at 9 and then RJ and the Yanks are on ESPN2 at 10. Better make that a 30 pack!

COPS OUT
Today is the start of Operation Get Em', which of course is our own name for the increased patrols by the state police on 89 near Winooski. The idiot driver quotient is especially high on the Winooski River Bridge and the stateys are going to be watching like hawks. HUM around the county seems to be in favor of this special mission except for some complaints from, well... IDIOT DRIVERS!

SCUDDERLESS
South Burlington Dems trotting out gubernatorial candidate Scudder Parker at the Marcotte School Thursday evening. There is just about zero HUM regarding Parker; many are saying the Dems should get real and select somebody who can WIN! We can only pray it wouldn't be The Logger, 'cuz a lot of folks 'round here are just about logged out.

NO PULSE
Hey, here's a funny. Imagine if Steel Pulse came to town and nobody showed up.
The Free Press reports that Steel Pulse has bagged out again and will play (sure) Higher Ground on July 23. And if you believe that I've got some swampland in Milton I'll let you have - real cheap!

FIVE CORNERS UPDATE
Got to the Essex Junction Five Corners light yesterday and knew I'd be there a while. So I got out and was able to rotate the tires and have'em all back on just when the light turned green. It was perfect and I felt so productive.

SUNDAY'S HUM (4-2-06)

CLOCKTOCK
Now that we've turned the clocks ahead, sunset tonight is not until 7:15. Cool.

FRANKEN WHINE
Al Franken (aka Stuart Smalley), a host on the struggling Air America Radio, will be in town on April 29 to lend his support to Bernie Sanders' campaign for the U.S Senate. Franken, well known for his criticism of conservative ideals, is much reviled by Repubs as being a simple complainer without a cogent platform for change.

NICE SPRING WE HAD
If you've been wearing your hawaiian shirt and dancing to 'Fins' the past few days, hope you enjoyed the sun and fun. Snow is forecast for Tuesday and possibly Wednesday.
As I'm writing this, I'm watching a jogger run by while talking on a cell phone. Just one of those things you see that makes you go "hmmm."

TIME TO MAKE THE STEROIDS
Vermonters primed for baseball, which starts tomorrow. The Yanks head out to Oakland with question marks about their pitching. The Sox go to Texas for a Monday 2pm. opener. Boston also has pitching concerns, along with new dudes in the infield.

SATURDAY'S HUM (4-1-06)

BREAKING NEWS - GIRAFFE LOOSE IN BURLINGTON
It's reported that a full grown giraffe is currently slogging around the wetlands at the Intervale in Burlington. It's not known if the giraffe escaped from a semi passing through on it's way to a circus down south or if it's an runaway from a Canadian zoo. A small plane pilot estimated the height of the giraffe at about 35 feet. Stay tuned for more.